by Leslie Sann
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. ~ Rumi
I’ve been working with a client assisting her to release a long standing position of “againstness” in her marriage of thirty-five+ years. She finally realized her upset with him was creating a life of misery. Withholding her happiness from herself and him wasn’t working to change their relationship. She decided to do something different. She agreed to an experimenting with her attitude and actions.
I’m about to share with you the structure of the experiment just in case, maybe, perhaps, you are someone who is interested in living in more joy and loving with your intimate other. If so, read on.
This is what it looks like: Weekly, ask each other, “What is something I can do this week to make your life more wonderful?”
When your partner makes his or her request, if you’re willing then you agree to complete action within the week. If you’re not willing, which is fine, or if you are unable to fulfill the request in the allotted time, say so. Invite your partner to ask for something else. Don’t leave the conversation without determining what you can contribute that will make their life more wonderful. You then tell them what they can do to make your life more wonderful. It’s a two-way street.
One of my client’s asked her husband to come help her unload the car when she’s been to the grocery store.
“Sure,” he said. “I didn’t know you wanted me to do that. All you had to do is ask.”
She was dumbfounded. She had been seething silently for years, thinking about how discourteous and disrespectful he had been in assuming it was her job alone to not only do the grocery shopping, but to unload the car and put it all away. She had never asked for help, assuming his non-action was on purpose.
We all do that. We get stuck in our heads thinking we know the other person’s motives, and then get upset because we believe our thoughts about their intentions. And, we don’t check it out.
Right now, as I’ve just said, I am witnessing a client finding the simple act of exchanging — What could you do to make my life more wonderful? — turning around a marriage that she thought she was either going to have to endure in unhappiness, or simply leave. In the whole time that I have known her, I have never seen her so animated and full of possibilities. Her happiness pours over into every aspect of her life. Including parts of her life having nothing to do with him.
The inspiration for this article was my encounter with an elderly woman in the parking lot of the grocery store. She was burdened with many bags and asked me if she could have my shopping cart. It was, of course, my joy giving her my cart. I also assisted her in loading her car because, as I told her, this would make her life more wonderful. I was blessed with a smile in exchange, making my life more wonderful.
Doing good for others isn’t just for marriages. It’s a beautiful way to live on Planet Earth. Is there something I can contribute that might make your life more wonderful? May I have your cart? Would you help me unload the groceries? Would you mind dropping off the cleaning? These little things can make a big difference in contributing to our overall well-being.
Perhaps there something I can do to contribute to making your life more wonderful. That’s a particular joy of my work: helping people grow into a greater state of wonderfulness, deepening their well-being, and nourishing their joy.
What would you love to create next?
What are yearning to become?
How can I help your life be more wonderful?
Blessings and Peace,